The Issue It Seems, Seems To Be This...

               When I was younger I can remember a school teacher said, whether or not she was talking to me, the kid next to, the student teacher, or anyone at all for that matter I'll never know, but she said something along the lines of "The world sits in the finger tips of the small children of today, they should start planning life now or they're going to get left behind". Now, I could be completely insane and that was never said, ether way its a thought that has been resting in my head ever sense I can remember. My father has told me this a million times as well and what I've come to find out here just recently, that's a thought that stand very true and must be taken rather very seriously. If a child grows up with an Electrician as a father and decides he wishes to be that when he grows up, so he gets hell bent on being nothing more than an Electrician... whats the kid supposed to do when hes 20 er so out of high school an collage and realizes, 'hey, man... I keep getting bothered that I'm really good at painting and when I get the chance I actually really love building sets an painting sets'. Its a sudden change that he may already be late to switch to.

              What I'm getting at is this, life happens to everyone and in light of recent events we find that just because you plan on one thing your whole life doesn't mean that is what your going to be. You see, the funny thing about destiny is; no matter what you do its always predetermined for you, no matter what you do to fight it, your going to end up being just that. It bothers me because of this, as a kid right now I know that children have the world expected of us. The leaders of tomorrows world, we are asked to have our life figured out by at least the age of 16, seeing that the normal life span is 85 years old; that means in our first 16 years of breath we're expected to have at least 69 years of our future lives planned, set in stone, and getting put in motion. Ummm, how about no? Look, my whole life I've had old people tell me to just have fun with life and do what my heart feels needed, always have fun and take life by the horns after all you only live it once. However, all these 'younger' people or the generation that was raised by the old people just saying have fun with it, are saying buckle up an get gritty cause life is not fun. I can see the idea behind both ideas, and its reached a point where I'm starting to get sick of hearing both of them.

         I always hear people tell me that I'm currently in the prim of my life, to be honest this really bothers me. Reason being, just recently I've started playing on stages, actually I played guitar as a last second lead guitar player at a church camp few summers back. Ever sense playing on a stage and making music, getting comments about the tunes, and entertaining people through music from the very first experience its something that has gotten me in such a joy that nothing sense ever has. Its like an addiction, I love it. Along with the people I've already gotten the chance to meet and jam with, Its already wedged itself to become a part of who I am. As a teen, I'm sure its just a phase that we've all gone through and something we all grow out of... but I never want to. Hopelessly addicted and never wanting to stop. As cliche as it is to say such things. The MetalHeads (so called by their guitarist Luis) a brother band to my own calling themselves Xorcist, as well as the brothers over at Death By Cemetery, these guy that I've just recently met I already share more in common an feel closer to then people I've known my whole life. Getting to my main point, my whole life has been set up to pretty much go into the Military after High School, become a cop, get a wife maybe, and die. Coming into close work with police officers, they are good people and I will always give my full respects, piece of time, and praise to. However... its just a job that I've found that I just don't get on the same page as other people as. I'm not saying its a bad job, hell, its a damn fine job and I do honor police offices to the fullest..Personally just don't feel that that's my line of work. This being my main point.

               The issue it seems, seems to be this. We work so hard to impress and let people know we have our lives in order and in complete control buy we never really do. In fact, it seems that the more we push to gain full control is when we start loosing it all. Its hard not because I'm not willing to move with change, its hard because I'm not sure if anyone else feels the same for me. Of course I know that I make my own choices, but its a wonder how many people can look at the situation as I do and have hope in whatever I feel is needed?


               Its a long rant to state simply, its hard to know what to do when there's such an inner drive to take this urge as far as it can go but not having the talent to take it where you dream of it going.